You're not important enough to delay our flight because of your cell phone call. - - When the flight crew tells you to turn off your phone, do it. When you don't, you prove to us that you're the self-centered bastard we thought you were.
You are not that important that you have to immediately make a phone call when we land. -- Your sixteen year old boyfriend doesn't need to know that oh my gawd, that flight was so long and your best bud doesn't need to know that you're finally on the ground and ready to party.
Learn what carry on luggage is, you incredibly selfish, stupid bastards. -- Do I really need to explain this? Carry-on implies small, easily portable items. If you have to drag it behind you - fail! If you need help lifting it into the overhead bin - fail! If you have to tuck it under the seat in front of me, thereby blocking my feet from resting comfortably - fail!
The Traffic Safety Administration (TSA) once again, proves they are fucking morons. Little old ladies and mothers with children are not terrorists. Quit pulling them aside to pat them down. You are retards. Learn to criminally profile and do your fucking job. Don't just stand there, breathing through your mouth. Think. There's a reason you're not a cop. You are a glorified mall security guard. You are a placebo for the masses. Get over yourself.
Just because the airline seated you next to me doesn't mean we are friends. -- Shut the hell up. I don't care where you're going and I don't want to share anything about myself. I just want to be quiet and try to ignore the fact that I can smell the breakfast you ate earlier on your breath.
Dress like you're in public. -- Air travel used to cause people to dress up because it was special. I'm not asking you to wear a tie or a dress, but pajamas tell the world you just woke up, didn't shower, and were too lazy to change into something else. This goes for beautiful young girls, too. When your hair is a mess and you're wearing pajamas with Ugg boots, you look like a ragamuffin.
If you're interested in what I'm typing on my phone, read my blog at thewayofthecon.com. -- Awkward? I don't feel guilty for embarrassing you because you don't know the concept of privacy.
It's nice to see a pretty stewardess every now and then. -- Men and elderly women need jobs as much as anyone, but let's finally be honest. We're all crammed into this long metal tube, several thousand miles in the air, going hundreds of miles per hour. A beautiful girl with a nice smile can give us a lot more peace than the overly perky steward, Trevor.
Done and out.
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1 comments:
Very insightful, perceptive, and somewhat entertaining, Sir Colin; and quite truthful. Susan and I are going to Florida in January and we will be confronted/assaulted by some of the undesirables you describe. Don't wish us "buon viaggio," rather, good luck!!
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